1. He crushes the photograph in his hand and proceeds out of his house.
2. Whispers of unfamiliar voices fill up the room when Alice slowly regains consciousness.
3. The man in black coat whispers slowly into Jake’s right ear. “What you fear the most will happen…”
4. Jacqueline quickens her pace as she hears the rustling of dried leaves behind her in the forest.
5. Nicholas awakes in the clock operating room..
6. Her greatest desire slowly exposes its contours in the sand as she digs deeper, totally unaware of the presence of her greatest fear near her…
7. The man nodded to the signal, slowly approaching Dave from behind…
8. Ben drops the bottle of alcohol in his hands, as the soothing voice grew louder.
9. His clenched fist relaxes, counting the footsteps in front of him.
10. “You ought to know my real identity.” Lim says in agony.
11. With the necklace in her hands, she prays for forgiveness in the church.
12. He wraps his arms around himself, laughing to himself in the deserted hut.
October 30, 2007 at 11:26 am
Generally, your sentences work, although several are too long. One to pay particular attention to is #6, which is not visual. It’s something out of a young adult novel. It does not describe what the audience sees. It describes what the audience cannot see.